Condolence From: Steve Lamb
Condolence: How many roads?ā¦ A tribute to my friend, Dave Dec 28th, 2017
David A. Lavoie was born on Sep 30, 1960 in Waterford CT. Our paths did not intersect until 27 years later, at which time Dave had a major chip on his shoulder about life in general, and he carried a lot of resentment about pretty much everything (and everyone). And even so, he was still one of the kindest, funniest, most talented and good-hearted guys I had ever met, and we instantly became best buds. As the years went by, Dave came to realize that he wasnāt the Lone Rangerā¦ that others had their own trials and tribulations to bear, and that life generally isnāt easy for most people. He became grateful for the good things that he did have, and stopped dwelling on everything else. He didnāt realize it at the time, but this would come as an enormous help down the line to him and to those around him.
How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man? As a young boy and teen, Dave had seen his share of family drama, and traumaā¦ divorce, accidents, death, abuse, addiction, fireā¦ he had experienced a lot, and sadly it forced him to become a man at an early age. He coped in different ways, some good, some not-so-good, but through it all kept his love and respect for his mom, his aunt, and his grandparents, firmly intact. He learned carpentryā¦ dug in deep and became an ace in that trade as a well-respected carpenterā¦ said he wanted to be a carpenter because Jesus was once a carpenter. He learned how to play bass guitarā¦ his favorite band was Black Sabbath and he wanted to play just like their bass player, his idol mentor Terrence āGeezerā Butler (Dave would have made Ozzy and Geezer very proud!). He fell in love, married and divorced twice, had a daughter Angela, and a son David, both whom he adored dearly. He took up watersports (boating, jet-skiing, etc.) and really, really loved it! He also learned how important sobriety was in his life, and he worked hard at keeping it. He gained many friendsā¦ good friends, friends who had his back, and whose back he had. Dave and I spent a lot of time togetherā¦ most of it laughing. He was truly one of the funniest guys I had ever metā¦ I mean quick and hysterically funnyā¦ probably had honed that talent to help compensate for, and try and overcome, all the traumatic events he witnessed as a kid. Dave also became one of the most forgiving guys I had ever met. Said he learned about forgiveness from his mother, not as a kid though, but in hindsight from her later on after getting a good grip and understanding of his own life. He also learned to have a close relationship with God, his God Jesusā¦ that āotherā carpenter, as he would call him. It turned out to be just in time, as his faith was soon to be tested.
On June 8th, 2010, during a freakish hailstorm that flew through the Watch Hill area, Daveās world would change dramatically. Up on his ladder above a deck, while installing a 3rd floor home window, he looked down to the ground and noticed his open toolbox was filling up with large hailstones. As the wind picked up with the storm seemingly getting worse, he decided heād better scurry down and cover up his tools. Not thinking about the hail that had stuck to his aluminum ladder, he slipped and fell backwards onto the bowed deck below with his back slamming against the wooden railing. Knowing he was hurt bad, he quickly dialed 911 and then passed out. After waking up at RI Hospital the next day, he was told that he suffered a T12 spinal cord injury, was paralyzed from the waist down, and would probably never be able to walk again. Friends and family rallied together and got him transferred to Gaylord Rehab in Wallingford CT, where he learned how to take care for himself as a paraplegic, how to do vehicle transfers, and what to expect with aftercare. He wasnāt a happy boy, but he was willing to accept what had happened, to not blame himself for what happened, and he was willing to give it a go. And give it a go he did.
I donāt know anyone who would have tried as much as Dave did to live life on lifeās termsā¦ in āthoseā terms, the way Dave tried. He really did give it his all. He was eventually able to become self-sufficient in his own apartment. Sure, he had a home health aide come in now and then, a visiting nurse now and then, and friends and family that would run errands occasionally for him, but for the most part he was living life independently. He followed through with all of his physical therapy, doctorās appointments, and social services. His health seemed to stabilize, but he never was able to regain any use of his legs. I visited Dave as often as I could, but there were months that would go by without us communicating, as was the case with other friends as well. Dave never complained though as to why people didnāt visit more regularlyā¦ he seemed to understand that others had their lives to live, and never held a grudge about it. We were able to spend quite a bit of time doing things together throughout the seven years after his accidentā¦ we took a lot of car rides, went to a few concerts, a few movies, out for dinner, a couple of summer ferry trips out to Block Islandā¦ we had a lot of fun. I think what Dave enjoyed the most was just hanging out, and talking about everything and nothing. He took a lot of interest in what others had to say, and he had a lot of interesting things to say himself.
How many roads must a man walk downā¦ ? Well, even though he couldnāt walk down roads anymore, he sure could roll down āem. For the first few years, he got around short distances with just his manual wheelchair, but eventually he was approved to get an electric scooter, and as soon as he did began riding it all over the place. Heād ride to the grocery store, to the cemetery to visit his mom, down to the river to watch the boaters, and to visit friends and family. I live in Pawcatuck, CTā¦ Dave lived in Westerly, RI, but on a couple of occasions Dave rode that scooter 3 miles miles down through town, over the river into CT, and up to our houseā¦ not for any other reason but to say hello. My father was a stroke survivor and suffered hemiparesis as a result. He and Dave shared a common bond, and really held a mutual love and respect for each other. Dave would ride over on his scooter, and roll up onto the back deck right up to my dadās back door. Heād knock yelling āHello, its Dave Lavoieā¦ let me in and weāll watch the game together!ā Yes, they shared a love for sports too! Heād visit for a while, then say āI gotta go before my battery runs out of juiceā, and he always made it back with just enough charge to get home. The past seven years were never actually easy for Dave thoughā¦ he endured numerous infections, procedures, and operations during that time, but somehow he seemed to persevere through each and every issue.
The last time I saw him was when we went to Block Island late last August. He seemed to have a new sense of purpose and vigor. There was movement in his legs, and he had signed up for PT to see if he could expand on what he thought might be a new nerve pathway forming. He had lost quite a bit of weight, but he had a new determination that was refreshing to see. We had a great time on the island, and when we got back to his complex, we sat a talked for quite a while. The conversation somehow turned to the fact that weāre all gonna go someday, and that he wasnāt afraid to die. I think in the back of his mind, he figured he didnāt have much longer to be here, and I think he was trying to get himself (and me) comfortable with that thought. He said that he wouldnāt fear death when it came, and he was looking forward to seeing his mom again someday. But what really excited him was the prospect of actually meeting God one day.
Back in early November, being that I hadnāt heard from Dave for a couple months, I tried to reach him by phone a few times, and even rang the buzzer at his apartment complex, but couldnāt manage to get in touch with him. Eventually I got a message from a mutual friend that Dave was in the hospital, and was not doing well. Turned out he was in ICU. The movement in his legs that he had such high hopes for turned out not to be what he had hoped it was. It was more muscular than nerve, and it was from clots forming and not new nerve pathways, and it was from infectionā¦ infection that wasnāt going to go away, no matter what. Operations were suggested, but nothing was guaranteed. Everything Dave had been through in life, and everything that he had learned about life, led up to this moment. He was disappointed in the news of his prognosis, and he was exhausted from his journey. He decided to let go, and let God take over.
Dave passed away in the hospital on Tuesday, December 26, 2017 at the age of 57, under the care of Hospice. He died with dignity and respect and with friends and family at his side. He's not suffering anymore, and he gets to see his beloved mom again... as a matter of fact, Iām sure itās his mom who met him and walked alongside with him down that last road, the one to Heavenās gate. I believe those legs are working just fine now, and I believe theyāll take him to fulfill his wish in meeting God.
Itās hard to believe that my best friend is gone from this earth, but I have a feeling heāll be just fine.
To Angela, David, and all of Daveās family and friendsā¦ my sincere condolences. I pray that our hearts and our minds be filled with happy memories of Dave, and more than anything else, that each day ahead brings a measure of comfort and peace.
To the nurses, the doctors, the aides, and all of the health care individuals whoāve taken good care of Dave over the yearsā¦ Thank You.
And to my good friend, Daveā¦
Goodbye my friend, and may Heaven embrace you.
I know that your heaven is going to be great!
Love you man.
Friday December 29, 2017
